I know that my family like most families isn’t perfect and that we are all dealing with the depths of our darkness in search of finding our way home, where our heart is. Today, I want to share a bit about my journey with healing family relationships. Although things aren’t “perfect” or completely how I’d dream them to be they are definitely in a place where I feel grateful and regretless. Which is a far distance from where things were a few years ago.
When I moved out of the family house and ventured solo to California 13 years ago, I thought I’d go back to visit my family every major Holiday or at least once a year. And for a short while, I did, until I didn’t anymore. I made family less of a priority, I put excuses in my path and I grew distant. Unaware of how my choices would affect these valuable and irreplaceable relationships in my life. Also, unaware of how my choices likely felt to those I was distancing myself from.
By the time I birthed Nova it had been somewhere between 7-8 years since seeing my parents and sisters. The more time passed the further we grew apart in ways that I felt I didn’t know my own family anymore. They were no longer the people I remembered nor was I that to them. Rightfully so we are constantly growing, evolving, changing. I silently grew to judge my family during the hard times of trying to understand who these “strangers” were. They felt like strangers due to the newness of how our relationship had evolved. I knew I wanted to reconnect but I was also scared due to the time, guilt, shame and stories I created in this distant space.
After delivering Nova I wanted my mom to experience the joy of her grandson and was quickly reminded of my parents eternal love no matter the distance. I also recognized the struggles parents can feel in life and the sacrifices my parents made to raise me and my three sisters. I began to see my relationship with my parents in a new light and started choosing love again to heal our wounds as a family. I began doing more internal work through awareness of thoughts, meditation, and energy work such as craniosacral therapy, chiropractic, T.R.E, and massage to prepare me for a trip back to visit my parents with my beloved (whom after 7 years together they never met) and a grandson who was now one years old.
To say I was nervous would be an understatement, I was downright terrified. So many stuffed feelings after 7 plus years came to surface for releasing. I had a craniosacral therapy session hours before boarding my flight that had my body tremoring when my practitioner’s hands hovered over my heart. I felt a huge release and had realizations that brought me into a loving space for my family. I felt waves of deep emotions and hurt swoosh over me from lineages past, which healed me to no longer hold judgments toward my family, helped me to forgive and understand on an energetic level what I/we as a family were holding on to. Granted I can’t do the work for other members of my family to heal but doing the work on my self-has definitely helped heal and transform the family story that I carry.
When I went to visit my family we had a peaceful, sweet and healing time. The gap quickly filled in with love, acceptance, warmth, and memories. I’ve since made another visit this year and had a sweet time in the presence of family. Sure, at times needing to swallow words that want to come up to make a point recognizing that they wouldn’t be worth the heated battle that would likely ensue. I breathed into the okayness to not word vomit. Sometimes questioning how I feel about not fully expressing myself and whether or not it is my egos desire to say more. After processing I know the feeling of peace is much more satisfying than having the last word or arguing my point of view. This was a vital tool in my success with healing my relationship with my identical twin sister as we’ve been known to have at times a treacherous and physically abusive past with one another. Looking back I feel it took us a while to outgrow and work through our sibling rivalry. But, we made it! I believe it was our willingness to both want a relationship with each other and our personal efforts towards self-improvement. Which now allows us to spend time together mostly in a space of enjoyment. Building memories as a family with our children, opening ourselves and little ones up to relationships that inevitably will challenge us to keep growing and with openness choosing the direction of the sun.
I’m relieved to say that I’m finally beginning to understand what it means to be a family, showing up with my heart, choosing love in ways of being a pillar of strength, understanding, compassion, healing, and hope for my loved ones. In hopes to rewrite a brighter chapter for our future only by seeing the darkness and setting it free, hugging it and saying I forgive you, release you and thank you for showing me what needed to be seen and guiding me back home. I allow myself to step into the story I want to live not by changing those around me but by changing the way I show up, changing the stories that I tell, choosing to talk kindly about those that I love, and choosing to see things in a way that allows those I love to tap into their own healing potential. I realize this will take constant work on my part, like any relationship that’s worth having and I hope to continue to show up for myself and my family in this way to make beautiful memories that tell the story of a family who didn’t need to be perfect they just needed to choose love, love deeply, and love unconditionally to continue finding their way back home.
I’d love to hear from you, share your wisdom below!
Love Fed & Grateful,
*If you find yourself in the L.A. area and want recommendations to the healers I’ve personally worked with just leave a comment below and I’d be happy to share.